Up to this point these blog posts have been largely about events or times in our relationship, a very objective view if you will, but they haven't really delved deeper into our relationship. Therefore, this post will stand out from the others, it won't talk about events or activities we did together but instead will discuss how I fell in love with you, and why I continue too.
I reached over, grabbed my phone from the console and headed toward the restaurant. I was on my way for a second date with a girl I hardly knew. The first date had gone well but so had many others before it. My expectations were realistic, I mean what were the chances she would be something special?
I turned the corner and approached the restaurant and noticed a girl in heels and white trench coat. Something about her stopped me. It was the way she walked. Each step seemed purposeful, this wasn't a girl, but a confident woman. A woman who knew what she was doing, not distracted by her phone looking for a reason to be somewhere else, but someone who wanted to be there, in that moment, striding comfortably in heels on the uneven pavement, a clear destination in mind. I was instantly attracted to her, but it wasn't her outward appearance that got me, it was the aura she exuded, from the way she walked, how she carried herself, head held high, how she looked straight ahead, she was someone who knew who she was and what she stood for. Strong, intelligent and so much more. It is hard to describe the reaction I had to her. Something was different with her, but just as soon as I had seen her I felt guilty, if only my date could have been with her.
As I got closer it got harder and harder to take my eyes off of her. Seeing her just stand there outside of the same restaurant I was headed toward. Oh how lucky the man who has her. The closer I got the more I realized she looked familiar. Where I had seen her before? and then it clicked, she was MY date, I just hadn't noticed from so far off or presumed I could be so lucky. I knew I wasn't in love with her yet, but I knew at that point it was inevitable. This woman was different than any I had met previously.
"And yeah, love you too" - Chrissy Broom, April 19th, 2016
I read those words and almost instantly knew what she had meant and it wasn't about her feelings for me. I knew the full sentence should have read, "And yeah, I would love you to come over after kickball". But knowing didn't stop my brain from racing, because for a split second I had read that she loved me. I had never considered this new possibility, I was in uncharted waters and did not know what to do. Did I love her? How do you know you love someone? When do you say it if you do?
I had always thought of love abstractly before, in a way a scientist runs experiments on unsuspecting subjects, but to actually be the subject. I needed to rotate my thinking.
I pondered what love had always abstractly meant to me. Does she make me happy? Yes. Would I do anything for her? Yes. A list of cheesy questions trying to quantify an unquantifiable feeling. I put my questions aside and just really thought about her.
Yes, she makes me happy, but it's more than that, she brightens up the darkest day. I see her when I'm angry and leave her smiling and joyous. I wake up each day with a desire to be better. To be someone she can be proud of. To be someone that challenges her to be better. I would do anything for her, I would put her above anyone. Once I was able to get out of my own way and really think about how I felt, I knew that I loved her. I wasn't ready to say it then, I don't know when like turned to love but I knew that it had.
While Chrissy had innocently dropped the word 'love', it sparked something in me that caused me to really evaluate our relationship and what the future held. I knew the relationship was heading somewhere but until I admitted to myself that I loved her I couldn't fully grasp what that meant.
But why? A question long asked of Hollywood movie actors in any romantic comedy or drama. A question posed to them in order to prove their true feelings for their love. In spite of the obvious cliche that is the question, it is not a bad one. Being able to verbalize, at least in some small way, the feelings in your heart is both good for you and for target of your affection. And so, without delaying any further. Here is a little of why I love you!
You are ridiculous. You interrupt me to begin singing some random lyrics from a song I've never heard of. You then continue singing well past of the point of reason only to stop when you realize that I in fact, have no idea which song you're singing. Then you start singing it again!
You have unshakable convictions. You're faith in God lives through your every action. Whether it be leading a High School group, helping a stranger on the sidewalk, or just being there for all of your friends.
Your character. Who you are with me is the same person you are with everyone else. You don't change your spots with different groups. You know who and what you are. You come to the table not to please someone else, but to show them who you are, and that person is amazing and genuine.
Your attitude. Your smile is infectious, your laugh music, your eyes warm and inviting. Everything about you is beautiful, both inside and out. You challenge me, you keep me humble, you laugh at my mistakes while making the same ones, you are everything I wanted, and so much more. Christine, you are amazing and I love everything about you.
I could still continue writing, but I find it better to stop now so that I can talk to you in person. I love you Christine Jane Broom.